Saying what I never thought I'd be saying

  Do you ever look back and read your journal/blog about when you were going through a difficult time?  Does it ever make you laugh?  Here I was just looking back reading through some of my past stresses I was going through, and I seriously started laughing.  Those stresses seem so childish now.  It's crazy when you're in the middle of going through a trial it feels like the world is going to end, and you can't see the end result.  It's funny when you're praying for an answer, and the answer you get isn't what you prayed for, but in the end it's EXACTLY what you needed.
    I NEVER thought I would say this, and I always hated the people who said this, but I really am thankful for the trials I've gone through.  Why do you ask?  Because going through those experiences has made me a stronger person.  I can handle stress/anxiety/challenges with a better mind set than I could in the past.  My testimony has grown leaps and bounds because of the small trials I've gone through.  Going through those past trials, I have learned that my Heavenly Father loves me, and that he is capable of lifting my burdens from me.  I've learned to humble myself, and I've learned that's it's possible to change.  Just because I have anxiety about things, doesn't mean I can throw in the towel and say I can't do it.  Although we are given weaknesses, we can fix them, and we can grow.  I've learned to pray over my flaws and that each day I can become a better person than I was the day before.  Something else that I am grateful for is the fact that I'm way more prepared to face my trials and challenges now than if I wouldn't have endured my previous trials.  As most of you are aware, the older we get, the more responsibilities we take on.  With responsibility comes a lot more challenges and stresses than before.  I have had one heck of a year.  There has been a great deal of change, and a great deal of stress.  I am currently enduring a trial that I never in a million years thought I would be going through.  I wish I could share it with you, and I probably can in a few months, but it is just too personal right now and effects more than just me.  Right now I am grateful for my previous struggles I've gone through then ever before.  I never thought I would be thanking my Heavenly Father for allowing me to go through those challenges in my life in order to get me through my challenges now.
    I know that when we are going through hard times in our lives it's so hard to see blessings coming from them.  It's hard to understand why we are going through them, and it's hard to see the outcome, but when we endure our trials and turn to our Heavenly Father we can grow immensely.  It is only through God that we become strong, and that our burdens can be lifted.  I am so grateful for the growth, development, knowledge, faith, testimony, and strength that I have gained through experiencing the difficult times in my life.  I hope that if any of you are struggling at this time that you can remember to give your burden up to Heavenly Father, and know that he has a plan for you and loves you.  I also hope that you all know you can come to me and I will be there with a plate of cookies and a warm hug to help you through any challenges you are facing.  I love you all and hope you are doing well!

Dental School Decision!

   Well, Derek and I have made the decision to move to Glendale, AZ!!  After a lot of prayer and consideration, we knew that our family needed to be in Glendale for the next 4 years.  We are ecstatic about experiencing year round warm weather, going swimming everyday in the summer, and living by tons of parks, malls, restaurants, museums, water parks, etc.  The other day I was babysitting and the little boy had so much energy I went outside with him and had him race back and forth in the small area of the yard that didn't have snow.  I looked down at Levi and I got so excited.  I realized that when Levi is at the stage of running around everywhere with lots of pent up energy, I can send him outside and not have to worry about bundling him up.  I will want to even go out with him and enjoy some sun rays with him.  I'm excited about going on bike rides with him, swimming with him, and going to the park to play with him anytime of the year.  

     I'm excited that we will be close to our dear Arizona friends.  It's crazy how we lived in AZ for only 1 year, but our AZ friends are like our second family.  Our AZ friends are still some of the first ones to reach out to us, and continually let us know that they care about us.  Since our friends have found out we are moving to Glendale, they are already hounding us about seeing us when we get there.  

 I know that it won't be a walk in the park.  I'm worried about never seeing Derek once he's in school.  I went to the dentist last week and the dentist basically prepped me on the fact that I won't see my husband for 4 years.... so that's awesome, NOT.  I know it will be hard being away when there are family get togethers.  I know it will be hard when Levi won't get to know his cousins/aunts/uncles/grandparents etc.  I know it will be hard that first little bit when we are new and don't know a single person in our neighborhood/ward.  But I'm also grateful that we get to meet new people, and I'm grateful for the fact that we get to experience this adventure on our own.  Having gone through the experience of moving away once, I'm ready to experience the anxiety and loneliness that comes at the beginning.  But I'm also ready to experience something new and exciting.  If I had the option, I'd probably move tomorrow, but because money usually plays a factor.... looks like we won't afford to move until the dead heat of the summer.  

I'm grateful for this new adventure to come.  

 On a side note, Levi has decided to start cruising!  He uses anything to push on to get into a standing position.  He cruises along the couch, entertainment center, book shelves, chairs, people, tables, etc.  Anything he can find he will use it to help him walk.  He has a fun little toy walker that he recently decided to use.  He used to try and use it to stand up and it would slide away and he'd fall.  The other day, he finally grasped the concept and pushed straight down and was able to walk across the living room with it.  That boy is determined to be walking on his own soon.  It really is breaking my heart.  I feel like once he can walk he's no longer a baby.  Time has flown by!  I'm really started to freak out that he's already 10 months old.  He's the sweetest thing ever!  He likes to say dada and mama, sing, bounce up and down to music, wave hi and bye, give hugs, read lots and lots of books, play with his toy car, and be tickled.  It's crazy to think my life even existed before him.  He and Derek are my life!!  

ACCEPTED!!!!

Wooohooo!!!  Derek did it!!  He is accepted into 5 dental schools!! All of his hard work and dedication has finally paid off!!  All of the being poor college students, ridiculous amounts of money gone towards taking the DAT, applying to school, secondary application fees, hold fees, plane tickets/hotels/rental cars/food/etc. spent on dental interviews, and several other fees are all worth it.  Missing my husband while he stuffed his face in the books to take his DAT right after we had a newborn, and basically being a single mom for the past couple months while he traveled around to different schools to interviews is all worth it. The wait is FINALLY over!  Derek is going to start dental school in the fall and we are moving away.  We are one step closer to our goal and putting our family in a better situation.
    The road hasn't been easy.  It has been hard on both of us, and we have both sacrificed a lot to make this happen.  But I am so happy to say it's worth it!  I am so proud of Derek.  He has worked his FANNY off to get to this point thus far.  He is the hardest worker I know, and I am so grateful for him.  He says his main motivation has been Levi and I, and we are the main reason as to why he is doing this.  I am so grateful that Derek is working so hard so that our little family will be better off in the end.  Our end goal is to own our own practice, and to also travel to do dental humanitarian work as a couple.  I hope to be able to help with office work and do all that I can to help better Derek's dream.
     Derek has been accepted to the IDEP Creighton program which does 1 year at ISU and 3 years in Nebraska.  That programs we would get in state tuition so that would be nice.  They only accept 8 students into that IDEP program, so I am extremely proud of Derek!  He was also accepted into Midwestern University in Glendale, AZ, University of Louisville in Louisville, KY, Case Western in  Cleveland, OH, and MUSC in Charleston, SC.
    We do have our decision narrowed down some, but we have not made our final decision.  We have until the end of this month to make our decision.  We have been prayerful and have been putting in a lot of thought into this decision.  It doesn't only affect Derek, but it also effects Levi and I and our future children. We really do want our children to be where they need to be.  That adds some stress to the decision.
      We want to thank all of our family and friends for all their help to help us get to this point thus far!  For helping Derek study, any helpful advice, prayers, for watching Levi so I could go to work and help support Derek while he went to school or was out of town for interviews, and for all of your support!  We know that we couldn't have done it without all of you!!!
      I will keep you guys posted on our final decision, but we are so grateful we even have options!!  The stress of waiting to know if Derek would be starting school is no longer weighing on our shoulders!!   I am incredibly proud of my smart, hard working husband, and I can't wait for the next chapter in our lives!

 

Delivery Story (3 months later)

Going to the hospital to have a baby!

Holy moly!  An update is truly needed at this time!  Apparently being a mom takes up all of my time!  I feel like I need to update everyone on my delivery.  I'm not sure how many gruesome details everyone wants, but labor was a very long process.
   I got there at 6:30 in the morning.  While I was walking to the delivery room I literally froze.  I was scared silly, Derek had to give me a little pep talk.  I got all hooked up to my IV, BP cuff, baby HR monitor, my contraction monitor, and my pitosin.  This made going to the bathroom one heck of a time!!

 
  The Dr came in and tried to break my water at either 8 or 9 am (I can't remember).  After about 10 minutes of the worst pain someone has put me through, the Dr said he was going to try a different approach. They used some medicine to soften my cervix, and I had to lay there for 4 hours until he came back.
   Finally the Dr came back at either 12 or 1 (I can't remember), to try and break my water again.  I don't know how I didn't swear, cry, scream, or kick the Dr in the face.  I have never experienced so much pain in my life!! Having the Dr try to break my water was seriously the worst thing ever.  The nurse told me that she had never seen someone go through as much as I did to get their water to break as she did with me in over 6 years.  This made me feel a little better, and that I wasn't being a wuss.  After about 10 minutes my water finally broke.  This made going to the bathroom even more fun.  It was sad, but I had only progressed from a 1 to a 2.5 at this point.

   The Dr came back in at about 5 and I was only at a 4.  I was so discouraged.  The nurse suggested I get an epidural because the Nurse Anesthetist was leaving at 6.  So rather than waiting as long as I possibly could to get an epidural I said heck with it.  Give me the shot now.  My body is obviously not progressing and I'm going to be in pain for a long time.
   I was so scared to get the epidural, but the N.A. was amazing!  It was like night and day from how I had felt before the epidural.  I would talk right through my contractions once I had the epidural.  Derek kept asking me if I even knew that I was having a contraction when my monitor would show that I was.  Luckily my family came to visit AFTER I had my epidural.  I was much more pleasant to be around after the epidural was given.  I ate my ice chips and enjoyed having some company to distract me with how long of a day it had been.
   Now for the even more discouraging part.  The Dr. came back at 11 pm to check on my progress.  I was only at a 6.  My Dr. told me that I wouldn't be giving birth until early morning so I needed to try and get some rest.  Before he left, he inserted internal monitors for my contractions and the baby's heart rate so they could better monitor what was going on.  The nurse saw my contractions on the monitor and decided to crank the pitosin all the way up to a 7.
    When the Dr. left, Derek set up his bed and we were both very discouraged.  An hour later I felt the urge to push.  We called the nurse in and she told me that I was at a 9.5.  She told me to try to push and see what happens.  Well I gave one big push and I was dilated to a 10 and ready to deliver.  I asked her if she was going to call the Dr and she said not yet.  I FREAKED out!! I did not want to deliver this baby without my Dr.  Especially because my nurse was not the best nurse in the world.  I pushed for 20 minutes, and Derek told me that he could see the head.  FINALLY she went and called the Dr.  He was there within 8 minutes.  He got all set up, and 3 pushes later I experienced the happiest moment of my life.  At 12:59 am on March 20, my little angel entered this world.

   They placed the sweetest baby I had ever seen on my chest.  He wasn't crying so I said, "Cry baby cry!", and we all started rubbing him to stimulate him.  I didn't expect tears to roll down my cheeks the moment I met this sweet baby, but I honestly can't even describe the emotions that I experienced.  Meeting that baby was the most spiritual and pure moment of my life.  I couldn't think of my life without him and I had just barely met him.

   They took my baby to a warm bed to check his vitals.  He sprawled out and put his hands behind his head while he let them do their thing.  None of us could get over how mellow he was.  None of us had expected him to weigh 7lbs 14 oz either.  We all laughed at the fact that he was almost 8 pounds and I had just delivered that chubby boy.

 
  When I held that little boy in my arms his name immediately came to my head.  I knew that his name was Levi Derek Dawson.  I was so grateful to experience this because I was panicking that we still didn't have a set name for him.

   Levi has been the greatest blessing to us.  He is mellow, content, and has the cutest little chubby cheeks on the block.  Being a mom is the greatest gift I have ever been given.  I was scared about what if I didn't have the maternal instincts, what if I missed my freedom, and what if I didn't know what to do.  I have surprised myself with the fact that I DO have maternal instincts, and I wouldn't change my life for a second.  It's hard to believe we even lived without Levi.  We adore this sweet boy so much.  He melts our heart each day, and he makes me want to be a better person.

   That is a very condensed version of my labor, but all the little details would take too long to share.  I left out the part where I could only eat ice chips for almost 24 hours and I was starving, so right after delivery my nurse ran and grabbed me a sandwich. I left out how the first time I tried walking after the epidural wore off that my legs gave out and I fell on the bed. I left out the part where they didn't have enough rooms for us to go into the mommy and baby dept so we were stuck in the

labor and delivery section and were at the bottom of their priority list for a day. Hahaha.  Labor is not glamorous!! I am proud to say I did not poop while delivering!!  That was one of my biggest fears.  Recovery sucks after delivering, and no one explained to me exactly how unglamorous it truly is.  But as crazy as it sounds, going through all of it was completely worth it.  In the middle of it, I wasn't so sure I would come out in the end being able to say that, but guess what?  I'm at the end of it, and it definitely is all worth it!

Big News!!

Well.. I have some good news!! First of all, the baby flipped on his own at 37 weeks.  I worked a 10 hour day and I was having a lot of contractions that night.  I went home and laid on the couch and I felt a ton of pressure (which I now know was his head pushing while flipping), and I felt a lot of sharp pains down under (which I now know was his head pushing down).  I went to the Dr the next day and we took an ultrasound to make sure he flipped.  Sure enough that cute little boy had flipped!! No scheduled C-section for me!! YAY!

I am currently 40 weeks and 2 days pregnant.  I am not progressing at all which is a bummer.  I've been 90% effaced and dilated at a 1 for a couple of weeks now.  We decided to give it a week and schedule an induction on Saturday.  Today at work I got a call from Labor and Delivery saying that they had an opening for Wednesday and asked if I could get induced early.  I told them YES!!  Well... I got another call about an hour or 2 ago saying that they want to get me in in the morning!!!  I am freaking out!!!  Labor terrifies me, and I'm especially nervous b/c my body isn't progressing on it's own and I have to rely on medicine to bring this baby into the world.  I am so nervous, and slightly in shock!!  It all happened so quickly!!  I pray that labor will go well and we will have no scares!! I pray that this sweet baby boy will have good health and strength.  I don't usually do this, but any sort of prayers and thoughts would be deeply appreciated at this time!!! Thanks so much everyone!  Ready or not here he comes!!

39 weeks and 2 days

40 weeks and 1 day

A little bit of craziness!

Well, the past few weeks have been a little bit crazy!  I am now 34 weeks and 4 days pregnant.  Derek is over his head with homework and tests and running on overload.  About 2 weeks ago we came home from dinner and were sitting on the couch.  Derek's heart started racing out of nowhere and he couldn't get it to slow down.  He laid down, took deep breaths, and then we tried different valsalva maneuvers.  Valsalva maneuvers are different techniques you can do to slow down a heart rate.  Some of these include bearing down, holding your breath and then pushing it all out, and putting ice on a person's neck without them knowing.  Derek's heart raced for 3 hours, and he finally just decided to try and sleep it off.  The next morning he was completely exhausted from his heart racing for so long, he slept through 2 classes.  Finally Derek texted me and asked if I'd go to the Dr. with him so we could check out his heart.  I had to find someone to cover the rest of my shift, and got to Rexburg at about 1.  They did a CKG which looked good, (because his heart rate was normal at this point), his blood pressure was high, and when Derek laid down the Dr. heard a slight heart murmur.  He recommended that we do an echocardiogram to check out his heart murmur in greater detail to make sure that there is no hole or deformities in his heart.  It could be nothing, or it could be something.  It just stinks because we really can't afford to go get the test at this time.  Hopefully we will be able to soon.  Derek has been monitoring his sodium intake to lower his blood pressure, and he has been trying to exercise more.  He has also been trying to reduce stress... which really isn't happening.  He is taking his hardest classes this semester, we are having a baby about 3 weeks before finals, he's doing his internship on top of it, and he is trying to start on the process of applying for dental school and studying for the DAT.  Poor kid!  I know that he can do it, but he sure has a lot on his plate right now!  I will tell you that he hasn't had any more weird heart palpitations or long periods of racing since the Dr. visit.  Let's cross our fingers that the heart murmur is no big deal and that he can control his blood pressure through diet and exercise.

     On another note, I had my Dr. visit on Friday and the baby is still in breech position.  I have to go in for an ultrasound next week to see if he is has turned into  the head down position.  If he is still breech, I have to go in to the hospital at 39 weeks, the Drs will lube me up and try and get that baby into the head down position.  I have heard that sometimes this process can send you into labor.  If they still can't get the baby head down, then they will have to perform a C-section right there.  The Dr. wants us to do a C-section if this is the case because he doesn't want to risk the body coming out, and then the head getting stuck in me with the possibility of the umbilical cord getting wrapped around his neck.  Where this is my first baby he said that I  probably have a tighter cervix and it is too dangerous trying to do a vaginal birth.  So... there is a slight possibility that I could be having this baby in about 5 weeks... so crazy!!!  We are hoping that this baby will change positions on his own.  We are trying not to panic because we know that there is still 5 weeks for this little guy to get in position.  I really hope this is the case because I have heard horror stories of the recovery from C-sections.

  I am so grateful to a Dr. who is thorough.  I am confident in my Dr to help me along the way if there is any complications.  So far everything has been great, so let's hope it continues to go as such.  Derek and I are trying to stay positive, and we are confident that no matter what, all will be well.  Let's root for out little guy to get in position so we can have a normal delivery and avoid the C-section.  

33 Weeks (Sorry, this is the most current)

Dawson Update

   Well, quite a bit has happened since my last post.  I have had a growth spurt in my pregnancy, and it is very clear that I am pregnant now. Strangers now make comments every day, and few have even commented that they want to rub my tummy.  Derek finished up his last day of the semester yesterday, YAY!!!  He took over 20 credits, and all were difficult classes!! He is pretty burnt out, but such a good student.  I'm so happy that things are going to settle down a bit for him for a few weeks, and we will be able to relax and spend more time together.  And lastly we moved to good ol' Rexburg at the end of November.  We are in a cute little cozy apartment.  It's pretty small, and we can hear basically anything going on upstairs which is annoying, but other than that, we enjoy our new place.  I felt bad b/c I worked all day the day we moved, and Derek had class for half of the day.  Derek ended up moving most of everything himself, and then Thayne and Kiama stepped in and helped with the rest of the big stuff.  Thanks guys!!  I did most of the boxing, and unloading.  Because I'm pregnant I really couldn't do a lot of lifting, and I also wasn't there for most of moving day.  I felt bad, but thank goodness I have a strong super hero husband!!  Our apartment is now unpacked and decorated, and we are loving having our own space again!!  The baby room is still full of boxes and electronics and random items..... but I'll get to that don't worry!

     Yesterday we were lucky enough to go to the Dr. and get a 3D image of our little squirt!  Oh my goodness does that boy have some cheeks!! I was so excited to see those chubby cheeks on the screen!  I can't even contain the excitement I have to just squeeze those cute cheeks once he's here!!  Those cheeks are definitely a contribution from me!!  I was such a chubby baby, and I had and still have some good pincher cheeks.  Haha Derek laughed because he knew those cheeks definitely do come from me.  The picture we got is a side profile view, so it's kind of hard to pick out a lot, but it was kind of fun looking at his facial features and pointing out which side of the family it came from.  He definitely has a full set of lips that comes from Derek, and we are thinking maybe the nose as well.  Hard to really say until we see him in person!!  How exciting!

Look at those pincher cheeks and those big lips!!  Love this boy so much already!

     I am currently 27 weeks.  Next week I enter the 3rd trimester- CRAZY!!  I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going!  I have so much to get ready for it's unbelievable.  I still am feeling good, but this past week I feel as though my immune system is down and I've been really really tired again.  My low back has been hurting, and I wake up with a charlie horse in my leg about 2 times a week.  Ugh, those are the worst!! I only fit into 3 pairs of my own jeans, and 2 pairs of my dress pants.  Most of my shirts don't quite cover up my belly anymore, and I am getting to the point where I am about to give in and go buy some maternity clothes.  I have gained a healthy amount of weight, and the baby is growing at a healthy pace and everything in my pregnancy looks normal.  I am so grateful for this!!  I had to take the glucose test yesterday to see if I have gestational diabetes.  I haven't found out the results yet, but the way things look, everything should be fine!  I was dreading drinking that dextrose because everyone made it seem horrible!  I actually didn't mind it at all.  Would I do that every day? No.  But was it that bad?  No.  I'm glad it didn't make me sick like it does to some other women.

27 weeks and doing well!

    Derek was so cute enough to take me out and get breakfast after my Dr. appointment because I had been fasting for the glucose test, and he knew that I was starving!!  I am so grateful for such a sweet husband that takes care of me and wants the best for me!!  I am grateful for where I am at in my life right now.  I am really happy.  I like my job, I have a healthy pregnancy, I have an incredible spouse, and we are lucky enough to expound our family and meet our sweet little boy in 3 short months.  We know that so much change is coming, and we can't even comprehend everything that is going to happen.  But we couldn't be more happy for this change.  I love stepping back from life and realizing all my many blessings.  Sometimes I wish time would stop in it's tracks and I could freeze this exciting stage in our lives!!!  I hope that the rest of my pregnancy continues to go well, and that my son will enter this world with good health and strength.