When I hear of something sad that happens to a family member, or a friend, sometimes it's hard to know what to say to them. It's hard to know whether you bring it up or ignore it altogether. Something that I have learned though is by watching my dear sweet husband.
I'm sure most of you already know this, but about 3 and a half months after Derek and I were married, his father passed away due to a severe stroke. I was with Derek and his mom when we got the phone call. I was with them when Derek rushed us to Rigby in 6 minutes to get to the ambulance, and I was with them when they came into the waiting room and told us he wasn't going to make it. I was there with Derek when the nurse pulled the plug, and I was there with him through the planning of and through all the events of the funeral. As hard as it was during those times, I had to be the rock for Derek. I had to be a shoulder to cry on, and I had to hold him until he could walk again. Somedays Derek didn't have to say anything, I just knew he was grieving. Derek isn't one to lose his temper, but when his dad died we were in the middle of remodeling our kitchen. Derek went to town and focused all of his energy on finishing our kitchen b/c he didn't want to stop long enough to think about what he was dealing with. I watched him get angry, I watched him sit there in silence, I watched him sob, and I watched him laugh about the fun times he had with his dad. I don't know how I was Derek's rock through it all, but all I know is when you're faced with that type of a situation, you just have to do it.
Once Derek got a little big stronger, this is when I crashed down and let it all out. I couldn't hold it together anymore and I told him everything I was feeling. From that point on we leaned on each other to get through the whole process. We spent late nights with his family. There was a peace in the room and we knew it was b/c we would be with Ray again. We felt the prayers from friends, distant family, and from complete strangers. People came from all over Rigby to bring the family food, flowers, and cards. It's amazing how through a time of sorrow, loving people are sent to us to help us get through those times.
I watched Derek when people would come up to him. I watched the other person struggle with words as they looked Derek in the eyes. Derek told me that the thing he hated answering most was, "How are you?" Obviously.... he wasn't at his tip top shape, but he was handling things. Something that Derek said he appreciated hearing was, "You and your family are in our prayers." It was hard to answer to, "I'm sorry," b/c all Derek could say was, "Thanks". Derek said the best thing anyone could ever do was just be normal. He didn't want people to feel sorry for him and to act strange, he just wanted a friend he knew that loved and cared about him.
So now after watching Derek go through the hardest thing in his life, I feel more comfortable about how to approach other people going through trials. I really appreciate the good people in the world who care so much about people who are struggling. I appreciate their prayers for others, for their kind words, food, graciousness and love. Despite all the garbage that goes on in the world around us, there really are good out there. There are amazing people among us, and this I am grateful for.
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